baby stuff

Jan. 7th, 2010 08:32 am
mockingbirdq: (Default)
[personal profile] mockingbirdq
I'm 18 weeks pregnant now. The nausea is getting better - I'm only sick a few times a day now, so I think I will be one of the lucky sufferers for whom HG ends by 20 weeks - Thank goodness. I've been able to feel the baby moving for a few weeks now, and Tomu can too when the baby is being especially active- which is a lot. I think this one will be hyper like its big brother Fox ;) I am already having braxton-hicks which is weird since I never had them until the last month with Fox.

I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about work next year. In a perfect world (or better country) I could be off for 6 months or a year to have time to bond with my baby. Instead I have to decide between finding a way we can survive financially if I stay home for a year, find a decent paying part time job that lets me earn enough for even part time childcare, do childcare for others in my home or simply work full time and know that I will be exhausted and miserable and have to formula feed.

I keep going over our budget but I just can't find a way to manage our home on one income even if we cut back. We could drop one car, drop childcare and live off our very small savings, but it would be very shaky and barely possible...

Tomu isn't very supportive of the idea either. He doesn't understand at all WHY I even want to be home with the baby after it is born. I try to explain how horrible I felt putting Fox in daycare each day at 6 months, and I would be doing it to this child at 6 weeks. I try to explain how hard it is to pump from work. I try to explain that I will need time myself to recover from this difficult pregnancy and giving birth. Just - blank expression. He's a man and it really doesn't compute. He hated the short time he stayed home with Fox as an older baby and he was much happier coming home at night, cuddling and playing with him a bit and then putting him to bed. That just made me feel like I had missed his whole day and infancy passes so fast. This will be our last baby and I don't want to miss any of it this time...

Date: 2010-01-07 03:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/little_e_/
Are there any relatives who could help out?

I would comment on the support issue, but I can't think of anything polite enough to say.

long reply

Date: 2010-01-08 02:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mockingbirdq.livejournal.com
Our only family nearby is my sister, who works and my mother, who is disabled and can't lift a baby. My husband's family all lives more than an hour away and all the grandparents work anyway... No SAHM's in our families.

Actually the thought of my NOT working scares my husband to death. His mother nearly lost custody of all her children when her husband demanded a divorce when he was small. She had never gone to college and had been a SAHM for almost 15 years and then could only find a job at McDonald's to support herself and them. Her husband used that in court (even though he had never been home with them and was a traveling salesman.) He claimed her lack of job experience (raising HIS children, mind you) meant she would have to work too many hours at low paying jobs and couldn't afford child care for them. (no alimony in our state.)
After the third time he dragged her to court, she had to move the boys across the country so they could all live with her parents, who took them in. Then her ex could only sue for custody once per year - it left Tomu and his twin constantly scared they were going to be taken from their mother and forced to live with their father.

From this my husband got the idea that if a mother is working, it will give a family security. He wouldn't even let us marry until I finished my college degree because he was afraid I might "end up like his mother" by which he meant having babies and never able to finish school. I know where his issues come from and I do wish he would someday have some therapy regarding them ;)

We are discussing it more and I think he is beginning to understand that 1) a single year off really won't affect my career as a teacher and 2)I really do mean I only want to be off a year. I have no qualms with placing a one year old in daycare because that was the age when Fox finally seemed to enjoy playing with the other babies and learned a lot. I just don't think a small infant should be in daycare!

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August 2010

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