mockingbirdq | Vowing to write longer....

At least once a week, I'm going to try to start making some longer entries, since mine are admittedly puny and self centered for the most part. Here goes:

My four year old son has become obsessed with babies, which doesn’t bode well for my husband and I, who have no immediate plans to provide him with a baby in his own home. As we walk to his preschool class we must stop to view the babies in their room, and at least one of them must smile at him before he is content to enter class. A baby in a stroller or a supermarket cart elicits a squeal of “Awww…a baby!” in a high singsong voice. Although I find this adorable, I also find myself feeling cornered by his infant adoration. Who knew your first child could have so much sway on family planning?

Once long ago, we had planned to have three children. They would be 2 years or so apart, and I would be a full time mommy at home with them until they all began school. Very simple, right?

Then we discovered the realities of company buyouts, student loans, and the need for dual incomes just to get by. Our darling boy wouldn’t even be born yet if not for a birth control failure, and I spent my pregnancy trying not to encourage him to pop our early so I could finish my college degree and student teaching. I went to work when he was 6 months old, and we found out the hard way that decent daycare isn’t affordable, but when it’s your child you spend whatever is needed to keep them safe and stimulated. We made it through breastfeeding, weaning and convincing him to sleep in his own bed. How could we consider starting over again?

Despite that, I find myself gazing at babies lying warm and snug in the mother’s arms. I remember that sweet baby smell and the soft little cheeks. More importantly, I imagine my little son much later in life, when my husband and I are no longer here, and what a comfort siblings can be to one another.

I think our son will be making the decision for us. A good friend is about to have her first child. I’ve told him if he treats her baby nicely (sorry, Heather!) and still wants a baby sister of his own that we may think about giving him one. Then our next issue will be what to do when the baby sister he longs for so much ends up being a baby brother ;)

That said, I will stall as long as possible. Maybe we can put him off until kindegarden at least?