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I just want to cry
Jul. 26th, 2008 05:10 amI am not up to being around other people tonight. It didn't help that Tomu was a jerk since he never comes outside with us. He was sitting on his butt all evening, and woke me up when he finally went to bed at 3 am.
I'm a basketcase at the moment. Fox could have died today.
Lately in the evening all the neighborhood kids go in their front yards and play together. One of the results of everyone having high privacy fences around their back yards. He and some other kids were playing ball on the sidewalk. The ball rolled into the street and the 6 year old from nextdoor ran in front of a truck that was going down the road. Thank goodness it stopped, but his father and I were already racing into the street to get him.
Then the truck turned and began backing into the driveway 2 houses down, right where Fox was standing.
It was the strangest thing because it was one of those slow motion movements when your body is calculating how fast you can get to another location and I knew I couldn't make it. I let out a piercing shriek of Fox's name and for a moment he still wasn't moving, just standing there staring at the back of the truck a few inches away. I screamed "Move!!" in a voice that didn't sound like mine and finally he ran to me.
And then I scared my boy even more by grabbing his face in my hand and yelling at him to listen the first time I call him, which made him cry. The guy pulling into his own driveway was apologizing, and I was apologizing and Fox was just sobbing into my neck.
And all I could think of was, "So that's how you lose your child." The split second when your attention is divided and the unthinkable can happen. I was only 10 feet away, and we were surrounded by other parents and their kids, and that wouldn't have mattered one bit.
Everyone went in then, and I have a feeling all the neighborhood parents, and I, will be walking our kids to a nearby park in the evening instead. It had been such a nice evening too.
I know this is going to haunt me for years.
I'm a basketcase at the moment. Fox could have died today.
Lately in the evening all the neighborhood kids go in their front yards and play together. One of the results of everyone having high privacy fences around their back yards. He and some other kids were playing ball on the sidewalk. The ball rolled into the street and the 6 year old from nextdoor ran in front of a truck that was going down the road. Thank goodness it stopped, but his father and I were already racing into the street to get him.
Then the truck turned and began backing into the driveway 2 houses down, right where Fox was standing.
It was the strangest thing because it was one of those slow motion movements when your body is calculating how fast you can get to another location and I knew I couldn't make it. I let out a piercing shriek of Fox's name and for a moment he still wasn't moving, just standing there staring at the back of the truck a few inches away. I screamed "Move!!" in a voice that didn't sound like mine and finally he ran to me.
And then I scared my boy even more by grabbing his face in my hand and yelling at him to listen the first time I call him, which made him cry. The guy pulling into his own driveway was apologizing, and I was apologizing and Fox was just sobbing into my neck.
And all I could think of was, "So that's how you lose your child." The split second when your attention is divided and the unthinkable can happen. I was only 10 feet away, and we were surrounded by other parents and their kids, and that wouldn't have mattered one bit.
Everyone went in then, and I have a feeling all the neighborhood parents, and I, will be walking our kids to a nearby park in the evening instead. It had been such a nice evening too.
I know this is going to haunt me for years.
