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[mockingbirdq]

Following links posted by conuly

Most people who know my family know that we have tried to raise Fox with a lot of androgeny. Growing up, he wears whatever he likes, although he never opted for a dress we would have let him wear one if he wanted. He does have panties, which he now doesn't care to wear since apparently it was only fun when it involved stealing them from myself and his Nana ;) He has owned and played with trucks and baby dolls, trains and a pink wooden kitchen, stuffed animals and action figures, and it's only recently when he will look at something pink (once his FAVORITE color) and disdainfully announce "That's for girls!" leading to lots of discussion by me about "why?" and "Can't girls do this??" What I tell him still seems to matter less than what his peers model, unfortunately.

Androgeny works up until it is challenged by his peers, other preschoolers, especially other boys. Fox loved his pink nailpolish until the boys at school informed him only black would do, and he and his cousin had fun with their green nailpolish last weekend, but then became embarressed when a 10 year old girl made a big deal about it at the playground. Still, Fox sometimes indulges in hairclips and pink shirts, and seems unscarred by both. As an educator, I know that studies show that children who are most androgeneous also grow up the most secure in their individuality, are more creative and confident in themselves.

So I don't really understand the controversary inherent in this: http://www.thelocal.se/20232/20090623/  Years ago, I read a book called "Maybe Baby" by Tenaya Darlington which centered around a baby that parents are keeping from being gendered, by dressing in gender neutral clothing and only allowing the children to play with Waldorf style toys to the extreme (nothing with a human face, etc...)
My only issue with that is that woudln't it be healthier to do what these Swedish parents do, and encourage both genders stereotype for the child. It seems like that would be healthier for the child than forbidding all things associated with either gender.

That said, it would be very hard to hide gender from others completely (how often did Fox strip his clothes off in public as a toddler? I was ready to duct-tape his onesies ;) so I wonder how well this will work long term. But encouraging androgeny in your child in every way possible would definitely be worthwhile.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/little_e_/]

Until your kid gets beat up on the playground/made the social outcast for being 'weird'.

Don't get me wrong. I don't think anyone--kid or adult--should be hampered by gender norms and thus prevented from doing what they'd like to do. On the whole, I think most gender norms are downright silly, and some are outright harmful.

But they are still part of our culture, and any kid who doesn't have that cultural knowledge--or has it, but routinely violates it--is likely to have some difficulties with their peers. I think it's a tricky line to draw, just how much to teach kids and how to teach it. It's something I think about a lot, anyway.

[bryoneybrynn.livejournal.com]

It's sort of a sad truth that as parents we are only one small part of what influences our children. The older they get, the more the culture gets a hold of them. From peers, to gendered divisions in toy stores, to commercials, to stories and shows and movies, and just the reaction and speech patterns of people in the neighbourhood. Gender is one of our most rigidly held cultural divisions. BUT I think what you're doing with Fox is great and I hope that it does help him to be more confident and self-accepting.

Also, that's funny about the panties! lol