Becoming insanely paranoid

[mockingbirdq]

I belong to a "birth club" for women who were having babies around the same time, and it's been really good for asking dumb questions I wouldn't dare ask my doctors and comparing notes, so to speak.

But I think I'll avoid it for a while. I just found out 2 of the babies belonging to members have died of SIDS in the last week.

It makes me paranoid. One of the moms was even breastfeeding and carrying her baby in a sling, looked down and he had just stopped breathing. I keep reassuring myself that I'm following all the APP guidelines - no smoking in our home, sleeps on his back, etc. But now I'm scared to go to sleep because I want to keep checking Todd's breathing.

I guess I'm just starting to realize how much I love him. Forget every intense thing I've ever felt for a lover or soulmate. My emotions for my baby boy are so intense and overwhelming. How do parents survive these feelings without going crazy??

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[mockingbirdq.livejournal.com]

Well, Todd hates the sling (screams bloody murder when I put him in it lately) so I haven't used it much. He's big enough now to ride in his snugli and look at everything as it goes by :)

I'm trying to make him sleep in his own bed, but lately he refuses to sleep anywhere except his car carrier. I'm not sure if it's good for him but I can't hold him all night so I let him.

He's still having some breathing problems and the doctors aren't sure what they are. I'm starting to think he's asthmatic, but the docs are clueless *sigh*